Coping with the holidays when you’re newly single

Where once the summer holidays were a time for families to come together to enjoy the summer sun at home or abroad, for the newly single it can be a time of sadness, regret and wistfulness. Without the structure and familiar routines of family life, many newly single people dread the long hot days of summer.

To help you cope, we’ve put together some tips for surviving the holidays both with and without children.

Take the time to grieve

Separation and divorce are painful, and distressing and it is important to recognise this. You will hurt, you may have regrets, you may feel anger, in fact a whole host of uncomfortable emotions. Do give yourself time to honour these feelings and let yourself grieve.

Repressing these feelings will not work in the long term. It is better to give yourself the space to feel them. They will hit you in waves, indulge them and they will quieten, and calm will be restored. Over time, the waves will become weaker until one day you will reach a place of acceptance and greater equilibrium.

Focus on what you have not what you’ve lost

However difficult it is, do try to focus on what is positive about your newly single life. If possible, each day write down three things that you are grateful for even if it’s just a good cup of tea, or a lovely sky.

Separation and divorce require us to reset our identity, so spend some time thinking about the person you were before you became a couple. What were your interests, hobbies and dreams? Can you begin to rekindle past interests and friendships and begin the process of building a new life?

It’s also important to think about and plan for the future. Where would you like to be in 5, 10, 15 years’ time? Can you start to make plans? Having something to focus on and look forward to can really help during your darkest hours.

Developing a routine

Routines can help us cope with times of transition and stress. Are there elements of your old routine that you would like to maintain? Can you create a new routine designed solely around your needs and desires?

Spend time helping others

One way to improve your mood is to do something to help others. This could be anything from helping with an elderly person’s shopping, volunteering to look after the children for a few hours to help a harassed mum or walking someone’s dog. Alternatively, more formal volunteering opportunities abound, so if there’s something you’re interested in, such as conservation work, gardening or mentoring, start researching potential roles in your area.

Looking after the children alone

Where once you may have enjoyed an annual summer holiday as a family, spending the days alone with the children can feel overwhelming, particularly if money is tight. Our biggest tip for dealing with this is to plan.

Get a wall chart or ask the children to make one and add activities into each day. For example, a movie and popcorn afternoon, walk in the park, meet up with friends, making cupcakes, time in the garden, trip to the cinema, day at the beach etc.

If possible, build in some downtime for yourself. Maybe give the children a daily session of screen or gaming time during which you can relax and recharge your batteries.

If you have friends in similar circumstances you can support each other with childcare, and shared activities.

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.