The Benefits of Child Inclusive Mediation for Separating Families

Family breakdown is challenging for all family members, particularly children. They need reassurance that they will continue to see both parents, their pets, their friends and their grandparents, they will want to know where they will live, how it might impact on their school life, as well as understanding and accepting that the breakdown of their parent’s marriage is not their fault.

Giving children the space to be heard and to share their worries and concerns is an important part of helping them come to terms with what is happening. One of the most effective ways to do this is through a process known as child inclusive mediation.

What is child inclusive mediation?

This involves the child meeting with a qualified child inclusive mediator who will listen to their worries and let them openly discuss their feelings. The meeting will also be a chance to explore what help and support the child may need.

Above all else, the meeting is not about choosing where they live or with whom, it is about hearing a child’s concerns over the changes to their lifestyle and what their parents can do to help them adjust. In this sense, it’s about focusing on solutions not problems.

What are the benefits?

The main benefit is that children feel seen and heard during a process which is making them feel anxious and insecure. By giving them the chance to express their concerns and to discuss the support they need, it can help the whole family to move forward.

More specifically:

• The process is confidential (bar any safeguarding issues that emerge) and the mediator will only feedback to the parents what the child wants them to know, if anything.
• It is voluntary – both parents and anyone with parental responsibility, along with the child, need to agree to the process.
• It can help to develop new ways of communicating with each other and helps to stop children becoming the messenger between their parents.
• It is a chance to develop solutions that work specifically for your family situation, without being constrained by court orders.

How does it work?

Child inclusive mediation is suitable for children aged 10 years and above. Having said that, it is possible to include younger children, particularly if the mediator is meeting with older siblings.

The meetings take place in a neutral place, usually an office or school building and while sometimes the mediator may be the same as the one working with the parents, it can be better to engage a second mediator. This is because the meeting is confidential, and the children’s mediator can then feedback any information the child has agreed can be shared with the parent’s mediator, as appropriate.

When to try it?

Sometimes it helps to engage a child inclusive mediator at the beginning, so that any issues the child raises can be addressed and taken into consideration during the early stages of the separation. Although, at any time during the process, the child’s issues can be brought into the parent’s mediation sessions. It can also be useful at the end of the process, to help fine tune any arrangements being decided.

Other options

For those who decide not to go down the child inclusive mediation route, there other options. Firstly, parents can use their own mediation sessions to explore how they can best support their children through the separation process, with the input of their mediator. Alternatively, they could ask a trusted friend or family member who can act neutrally and with the appropriate sensitivity, to talk to the child about their concerns.

There are also other professionals who can help including counsellors, family therapists, school pastoral carers and CAMHS professionals.

In all of this, the main thing is to give your child a voice in the process so that they feel their concerns and issues are heard. At Tisshaws, we have three trained mediators used to working alongside child inclusive mediators for your benefit.

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.