Can a relationship survive an affair?

Discovering a partner has been cheating is a life-changing moment. Whether you have unwittingly discovered an affair, a friend or your partner themselves has told you, the betrayal of trust, along with the hurt and shame can feel overwhelming.

While you may feel driven to take immediate revenge, we would always advise giving yourself the time to process your feelings, before confronting your partner.

Why do people cheat?

When considering the reasons behind an affair, the most important thing to remember is that it is not your fault. While your partner may seek to blame you for their cheating, their behaviour is not your responsibility.

People cheat for many reasons including:

• Low self-esteem (need reassurance of desirability)
• Emotional disconnection and the inability to discuss issues relating to emotional intimacy
• Unmet emotional and/or physical needs
• Situational or ease of opportunity
• Low commitment to the primary relationship
• Sexual desire
• Need for variety/excitement
• Fear of aging

The nature of an affair

Affairs fall into two main categories – physical affairs which involve sexual intimacy and emotional affairs, where an intimate and deep emotional connection is made with someone either in person and/or online without any physical contact.

Both involve a breach of trust and the breaking of a promise or commitment. Both types are hard to come back from but for some emotional betrayal can feel more damaging than a one-night stand.

Can a relationship survive an affair?

Relationships can and do survive affairs, but it is not a quick fix.

Affairs rarely happen when couples are content and secure within their relationship. If this is usually the case and the affair seems completely out of character, it is important to sit down with each other and both be completely honest about what happened and how it’s made you feel. Honesty is the only way to begin rebuilding trust. Do not lie to spare each other’s feelings, it’s less damaging in the long run to be truthful.

If you are to succeed in maintaining the relationship, you will need to communicate with honesty and without judgement. It may be helpful to see a marriage guidance counsellor or therapist to help you navigate this process.

Having said that, sometimes an affair exposes bigger issues in the relationship, such as lack of trust, lack of emotional compatibility and the inability to communicate your needs to each other. If this is the case, sometimes it is better to call time on the relationship and for you both to move on.

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.