A Guide to Trial Separation

What is a trial separation?

This is an informal arrangement made between a couple to take a temporary split from their relationship.

When a relationship is faltering but divorce seems too drastic an option, a trial separation can be a way to break free of the ‘should I stay’ or ‘should I go’ mindset. It will give you both space, along with a renewed perspective on the relationship, to help you both decide what you want.

Trial separations work best when you are both committed to reflecting on the issues within the relationship and how you move forward. Both of you will need to trust each other and be able to communicate clearly and amicably.

Sadly, if there are issues around trust, parenting and finances, a trial separation is unlikely to be productive.

A trial separation does not have to be the beginning of the end. It can be a valuable opportunity to reflect on the challenges in the relationship and consider how to tackle them, before moving forward together with renewed commitment.

The benefits of a trial separation

The distance a trial separation bestows can help you decide whether separation or divorce is the right thing to do. Alternatively, it can be a way to take some breathing space to work out your issues before finding a way to move forward together.

Taking a break from each other can give you both greater clarity on the problems in the relationship and whether you want to work together to resolve them. Taking time out to reflect can also be beneficial for each of you to consider the relationship independently of each other. It might be that you both have different issues and thoughts about why it is no longer working.

Moreover, embarking on a trial separation is a chance to effect a change. You will both be able to consider life without each other and this can be a powerful motivator in deciding the way forward.

The potential drawbacks of a trial separation

Clearly, there are no guarantees that you will both reach the same conclusions on how to move forward. It might be that the separation feels good for one partner but not the other. It might also be that one of you has always known they want to end the relationship and has agreed to a trial separation to prepare for a more permanent split.

There is also the issue of children. Explaining the new situation to your children can cause upset and confusion. Similarly, while you may have had relationship issues for a while, if these have been kept close to your chest, a trial separation may prove challenging for family and friends to handle.

How to establish the rules in a trial separation

Couples need clear communication and rules around how a trial separation will work. Factors to consider include:

• How long will it last?
• What is the purpose? To work things out? Or to ultimately split up?
• How will you live? Together or apart?
• What financial impact will it have? How will you manage bills and living costs?
• How will the children divide their time?
• How and when will you communicate with each other? Weekly catch ups?
• What are the boundaries in terms of dating and intimacy with other people?

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.