Leaving an abusive relationship

Latest figures from the Crime Survey for England and Wales suggest that over 2.3m people aged over 16 years, experienced domestic abuse in the year to March 2024.

Domestic abuse can take many forms and includes controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence and financial control.

Everyone deserves the right to feel safe. Perpetrators of violent behaviour and their victims can be both female and male and the impact on their lives and the lives of their families is devastating.

Making the decision to leave an abusive relationship

Faced with the prospect of deciding to leave an abusive relationship, many victims feel scared and overwhelmed, particularly if they have been hiding the abuse from friends and family and if the perpetrator controls all the finances.

Factors to consider when making the decision:

• Domestic abuse is not a sign that the perpetrator loves you
• Domestic abuse is not your fault – you cannot make someone want to hurt or mistreat you
• Domestic abuse is often followed by love bombing, apologies and promises that it will not happen again
• You cannot fix or help an abuser

Seeking professional advice

If you want to leave an abusive relationship, accept that you will need help. Seek advice from any of the following people and organisations.

• Your GP or practice nurse will be able to signpost local help available
• If you have children, confide in a teacher or school counsellor – the welfare of the children’s family is part of their role and again, they will be able to advise on a way forward
• If you work, your HR department can also be a source of help and information
• If you can, seek the support and help of family and friends
• Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline 0808 20000 247 – this is a free service available 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. You do not need to give a name or address but can talk to trained counsellors about the steps involved in leaving an abusive relationship
• Consult the government website https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help for more organisations that can support you
• Consult the NHS website https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/ for general information on how to seek help

Creating a safety plan

While some may leave immediately, for others, just making a safety plan can help. The elements may involve:

• Asking a friend or family member to shelter you.
• Having a backup mobile phone that your abusive partner knows nothing about and cannot use to track your movements.
• Keeping the telephone numbers important to you somewhere safe so if your phone is taken from you your contact data is not lost.
• Creating a list of all the important documents you may need to take if you decide to leave in a hurry.
• Ensuring you keep a secret set of keys for your home and car in case they are taken from you.

Court orders that can provide protection

We would also advise consulting a family lawyer who can help you apply for two types of court order to help keep you safe. A Non-Molestation Order is an injunction that prevents the abuser from committing certain acts, which include harassment, threats, and assaults. While an Occupation Order is another type of court order that is used to control who lives in the family home. Where the situation is serious, one party can be asked to leave.

If you are struggling with leaving an abusive partner and issues arising from separation and divorce, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.