Surviving the emotional fallout from divorce

There are times when the stress of going through the divorce process can feel overwhelming. You may feel a cocktail of difficult emotions including anger, sadness, resentment, fear, regret and a huge sense of loss. Not only have you lost a person you once loved but you have also lost the vision you once shared for the future.

Whether you or your partner instigated the divorce, both of you will need to come to terms with a new way of life which may include moving home, living with less money and not spending as much time with your children as you are used to.

To help you cope during this challenging time, we’ve put together some advice to minimise the stress.

Reduce unnecessary hostility

With emotions already running high, it is important that you and your partner find a way to communicate that keeps matters as calm as possible. If you cannot talk to each other without arguing, maybe communicate through a trusted friend or an impartial family mediator. With so many decisions needing to be made, a family mediator can help you both to reach interim agreements.

Seek professional advice

While much advice will be given to you by family, friends and the internet, nothing can ever replace the knowledge and experience of seeking the support of a family lawyer. Every family is unique, and every divorce is different. A family lawyer will be able to explain how the law applies to your personal situation. Having the correct legal advice and professional support can be incredibly reassuring and it allows you to make informed decisions moving forward.

Protect your children from any conflict

It’s important to minimise the exposure your children have to any parental conflict and heated arguments. Try to maintain as much routine as possible, do not bad mouth each other to your children and ensure they do not feel forced to take sides. Ensure they feel loved and understand that the decision to separate is not their fault, as well as reassuring them that they will continue to spend time with you both.

Take time to establish a new normal and to reach a place of acceptance

Until both of you have found a place of acceptance over the split, negotiating on property, finances and children’s arrangements will be compromised. We would recommend taking the time to establish a new normal, during which your emotions will gradually mellow, and the initial pain of divorce will become easier to live with.

Deal with any divorce regret

Do be aware that a sense of divorce regret is a natural and normal response to family breakdown. You may regret not trying harder to save the marriage and acting too impulsively in agreeing to end the marriage. You may also be haunted by both negative and positive images of your former married life. To be able to move on, it’s important to identify the reasons why you are feeling regret. These can then be talked through with a friend or therapist. It can also be helpful to talk to your ex-partner about these feelings to help understand the weaknesses and incompatibility that meant the relationship could not survive the ups and downs of married life.

Practice self-care

While it can be hard to find the time and motivation to look after yourself, self-care is an essential part of the healing process. Try to eat well, rest, get a good amount of sleep and exercise where possible. It also helps to have something to look forward to, so arrange to see friends and go on outings. Once you feel more settled, taking up a new hobby or interest or embarking on a makeover of yourself and/or your home can also help to reinvigorate a fresh start.

If you are struggling with the impact of divorce and separation, we offer a no obligation initial consultation for a fixed fee of £100 (incl. VAT), for up to one hour. At this meeting, we can advise you on all the issues relating to your personal circumstances, allowing you to make informed decisions moving forward.

To book an appointment please call 01444 472700, email us at [email protected] or complete the form below.